When difficult people express themselves orally, they generally want at least two things: they’re been heard and they’re been understood. As a good communicator should be a good listener, five steps are advocated towards good listening.
The first step is cooperating . 16 In fact, it's through the way you look and should while he is talking. 17 You do this by nodding your head in agreement, making certain sounds of understanding.
When the person begins to repeat what's been said, it's signal of step two: turning back. It means that you repeat back some words he is using, sending a clear signal that you're listening carefully and that you think what he is saying is important.
___18 At this point, you start to gather information about what is being communicated. Ask some open-ended questions, which will allow you to figure out what intention he is hoping to satisfy.
The fourth step is to summarize what you've heard. This allows you to make sure that both you and the difficult person are on the same page. When you do this, two things happen. First, if you've shown that you're making an effort to understand completely. 19 Having listened carefully, you've now arrived at the point of confirming with the person that he feels that his thoughts have been fully voiced. 20
When enough sincere listening, questioning, and remembering are brought together, understanding is usually achieved and a difficult person becomes less difficult and more cooperative.
A. You may help him to fully express his thoughts and feelings.
B. Why does this happen?
C. Ask if he feels understood.
D. This increases possibility of gaining cooperation from him.
E. Talk with him about what he thinks of his expression.
F. Having heard what he has to say, the next step is clarifying.
G. How does a difficult person know that you’re listening and understanding?